


In These Arms

by NympheSama



Series: ♡ Endless Summer: Catalyst Birthdays ♡ [12]
Category: Endless Summer (Visual Novel)
Genre: Birthday Fluff, Jaylor feels, M/M, Singing, birthday angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21823483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NympheSama/pseuds/NympheSama
Summary: Jake's been unable to celebrate Taylor's birthday since he gave himself to VaanuAfter a brief spat with Sean, he finds himself doing 'something dumb' and comes to realise that maybe, he does have some life left in him after all
Relationships: Jake McKenzie/Taylor McKenzie (Main Character)
Series: ♡ Endless Summer: Catalyst Birthdays ♡ [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1319882
Comments: 19
Kudos: 23





	In These Arms

**Author's Note:**

> Oof... the feels
> 
> Uh, not that I'm setting you up for anything there, of course 'XD
> 
> This is it... the last of the birthday's :'(  
> I hope I did our favourite 12 catalysts justice... and thankyou so so much for joining me on this little journey  
> Your support through this series has been phenomenal and I love you all so so much <3
> 
> Thankyou  
> Enjoy 
> 
> x My love to you all x

**In These Arms.**

Jake sat at the bar, nursing his latest tumbler of whiskey in one hand while resting his brow against his free palm, staring into the amber liquid as if it held all the answers to the various mysteries of the universe; which really, all came back to just one single gaping hole in his life. He sighed and glanced up at the clock on the wall, watching the seconds tick by; dragging him ever closer to one of the hardest days of the year for him.

With a groan, Jake pushed himself to his feet, slipping from his bar stool and draining the remaining liquid from his drink before setting the glass down; quickly snagging himself a fresh bottle and turning away, blinking around the poolside where his friends were still in the early stages of an epic party. Jake flashed a brief but ultimately hollow grin, unable to enjoy the festivities any longer despite the affection he felt towards his friends. He made his way quietly through the trees just beyond the edge of the pool, moving quickly but discreetly for the back doors which would lead him back to The Celestial lobby and up to his suite. His escape however, was thwarted by a familiar voice calling to him.

"Jake, wait! Where are you going?" Diego asked, jogging over as the others paused their partying to look over. Jake sighed in resignation, running his free hand through his hair as he reluctantly turned back and glanced around the smiling faces which were rapidly falling into expressions of concern and sympathy; and the very worst, the pity in their eyes.

"Kinda late, ya know. Need my beauty sleep ready for a new charter tomorrow afternoon." He said dismissively, averting his eyes from everyone and clearing his throat at the obvious lie. “Well… see ya.” He coughed, gripping the neck of his whiskey bottle tightly and turning away, gritting his teeth when Diego’s hand settled on his elbow.

“Jake… c’mon, don’t spend the night alone again.” He pleaded earnestly, his gaze soft and imploring as Jake tried to ignore the insistent tug on his jacket sleeve. “Stay, see in the New Year with us! We’re gonna-” Diego pressed, as Jake snorted and lowered his head, his clear eyes hidden by a curtain of shoulder length, sandy brown hair.

“No offense, Short Stuff, but I ain’t had much of a reason to celebrate New Year for awhile now.” He said bitterly, shaking his head at the bite of longing and loss which he felt in his heart. “Look, I’m glad ya had a good day Maybelline; and ya know I’m always down to see ya right on ya special day… but the further we get into the day, the closer that clock gets to midnight; the hollower I feel.” He sighed, looking at Michelle apologetically before quickly glancing away, despising the compassionate pity which he saw welling in the eyes which gazed back at him. “It’s just bad luck I guess… _your_ day is right before _his_ day; and I can’t-” he paused, swallowing thickly as he shook his head and sucked in a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but I ain’t ready to share that. I _can’t._ All I can see, from the second that clock hits midnight; is _his_ face. I already lost _him_ … I ain’t ready to lose that too.” He said thickly, taking a step toward the lobby door.

“You’re such a goddamn martyr.” An irritated voice sighed, causing Jake’s steps to falter as he clenched his teeth and tried to resist the urge to bite back at the comment. “You’re not the only one who lost him!” The voice yelled, growing louder as the speaker moved closer. “We _all_ cared about him! We _all_ miss him! But we don’t let that stop us _celebrating_ the time that we knew him, rather than _mourning_ it…” The voice insisted, as Jake’s free hand balled into a fist, his eyes squeezing shut as memories surfaced in his mind; a thousand images of the same joyful smile, which once filled him with love and hope, but now only reminded him of his pain and his loss. “I get it man, it hurts… but he wouldn't want this! He'd want you to move on! He loved you, loved all of us… and he would want us to be together now, because hell; that's _why_ Tay-”

Jake whirled with a feral snarl, his lip curling into a grimace as he dropped his whiskey and quickly clutched two handfuls of a white shirt; slamming a large body to the nearest wall as his bottle smashed on the ground. “ _Don’t_ preach at me, Cap. Last I saw, ya girl was still on ya arm.” He spat viciously, glaring hatefully at Sean, who glared back just as fiercely. “So ya don’t get to tell me how to feel, or what _he_ would want... and ya _don’t_ get to say his goddamn name in my presence, got it?” He demanded, shoving Sean’s shoulders as he released him and stepped back, dragging his hand over his stubble and glancing at the puddle of whiskey on the floor. “Consider it a birthday present to Maybelline, that I ain’t beatin’ ya senseless right now.” He warned, shaking his head as he turned his back and walked away from the group quickly, his hands trembling with the intensity of the emotions attempting to overwhelm him.

“ _Jake_!” Diego called, his voice growing closer as he trotted after the pilot, until he glanced back with a blazing glare. “Jake, wait… where are you going?” He repeated, watching him leave with a concerned frown and biting his lip worriedly.

“I’m goin’ to my goddamn room, so I can keep my fists offa Cap’s _goddamn_ face, alright?!” Jake snarked back, scowling as he hurried inside, desperate to be away from the others and alone. To mourn the lover he’d lost, on the day he’d once hoped to shower him with affection and love. He was relieved when the rest of the group seemed to sense his need for solitude, though he knew it wouldn’t be long before they began knocking on his door. “What’s it take for a guy to get some goddamn peace around here?” He wondered aloud, shaking his head as he pressed the button to call the elevator and stepped inside when the doors immediately pinged open. “Jesus…” He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he pressed the button for his floor and rode the elevator into the higher levels of the hotel, his brow creasing as he stared down at the floor thoughtfully. “I ain't an idiot, I know they all lost him… stupid Cap, bein’ a goddamn asshole. Like he could understand how I feel…” He scoffed, snorting as he the elevator dinged and slowly opened its doors.

 _Well, he isn’t entirely wrong I guess…_ A small voice murmured in the back of his mind, as Jake scowled and shook his head determinedly. _They did all lose someone too…_ The voice persisted, as Jake studiously ignored it and stepped into the hallway beyond the elevator doors. _Maybe it’s time to try and move on, hmm?_ The voice queried, as Jake snorted and shook his head.

“Yeah right,” he muttered, rolling his eyes as he dug his room key from his jacket pocket. “‘Cause it’s so damn easy.” He huffed, stuffing the key into the lock and opening the door, staring into the familiar golden rain forest room beyond.

 _It might be…_ The voice persisted, as Jake frowned down at his feet. _It’ll only be a matter of time before they’re up here anyway, they’re not going to just let it go anymore, that much is obvious._ The voice mused, as Jake glanced into his room; blinking when he was struck by a fierce flash of a memory; a body splayed provocatively across the bed, the hint of a teasing grin flashing over a bare shoulder, though the rest of the face was hidden by shadows.

Jake was quick to whirl away from the room, desperate to escape the vision. He blinked and shook his head as he was assaulted by more images, gasping in shock and storming down the hall as his legs wavered beneath his weight, stumbling into the wall briefly before hurrying to the nearest stairwell. “He ain’t there… get ya head outta ya ass, McKenzie.” He groused as he trotted up the stairs rapidly, attempting to block off as many of the errant thoughts as he could, though it was to little avail. “Stupid Cap, stirrin’ all this old shit up, makin’ it worse.” He muttered darkly, as the voice in the back of his mind snorted as if amused at him.

 _Right, blame the football star... Talk about bloody stubborn._ The voice sighed, as Jake rubbed at his chest absently, frowning at the prickling sensation which began to spread across his entire torso. _Let’s just put all the blame game aside and think a bit, now the subject’s come up… is it really fair, to hide away and prevent everyone else from their own goodbyes?_ The voice asked curiously, as Jake grimaced and opened the door to the roof, stepping into the open air with a small hum of appreciation.

Jake glanced back at the door, biting his lip indecisively before beginning to move some of the rooftop furniture and blocking the roof entrance off from anyone who might want to follow him. “They already said their goodbyes… they didn’t love him like I did, they can let go easier.” He grumbled, immediately wincing guiltily as he imagined his lovers reaction to such a selfish declaration. He sighed as he finished piling objects in the doorway, shaking his head and tugging on his hair as he turned away and paced across to the railing which ran across the front of the hotel. “Alright, so maybe… it weren’t easier. But, it sure as hell ain’t _as_ hard for them as it is for me… it's still raw." He bit out stubbornly, leaning on the railing and sighing tiredly as he gazed up at the stars overhead. "... where the hell _are_ ya, Boy Scout?" He murmured, searching the stars as if he might be able to see his lost lover. "Are ya even out there? Or was it all just… I don't-" his hands curled around the railing tightly, his eyes squeezing shut as his throat constricted painfully. "I can't stand the thought that ya ain't out there somewhere… but, I can't stand the fact ya ain't _here_ anymore either." He choked, swallowing thickly against the grief he felt welling in his chest.

 _And everyone else is supposed to just be okay with it?_ The voice wondered, as Jake growled and turned away from the railing, glaring across the rooftop as he began to pace. _Diego? Quinn? Even Sean… how come they can stand it?_ It pressed, as Jake growled with frustration.

"Because it's _different_ for them!" He snarled, slashing his arm through the air angrily as he whirled and paced in the opposite direction. "They got _family_ , got _loved ones_ who they can still _be_ with!" He ranted, running his hands through his hair as he forced himself to stand still and exhaled a deep and weary sigh. "Was bad enough losin' Mike… the first time." He muttered, looking up at the stars brokenly. "Losin' _him_ is like… it's like everythin' I ever wanted, for the future; for _us_ was just a… a painful dream. He's the one made me give a shit 'bout anythin' again, but without him…" Jake swallowed thickly, lowering his head and sucking in a sharp breath. "Without him I'm nothin'. I can't feel anythin', past how big of a whole he left behind…" he mumbled, his hands balling into fists in his hair, as his throat clogged with an intense wave of grief.

 _Well, isn't this little therapy session just what the doctor ordered?_ The voice mused, as Jake felt a bubble of amusement break through the grief which weighed heavily on his chest. _As this impromptu care and share seems to have already opened up the wound… what would_ **_he_ ** _do, if this situation were reversed right now?_ Jake snorted at the errant thought, shaking his head as he looked around the rooftop in exasperation.

"Bearin' my fuckin' soul and still can't bloody escape him…" he huffed, considering briefly as his eyes swept across the old magic plant garden, now just regular; boring and non magic plants. "I dunno… somethin' dumb, probably." He sighed tiredly, snorting when his eyes fell upon a discarded stack of equipment. "Heh, yeah… definitely." He huffed, shaking his head as he saw the shadow of a memory; a giddy smile beaming through the darkness in his thoughts, before it turned towards the abandoned stereo.

 _Dumb is a rather strong word… what about enthusiastic or passionate?_ The voice countered, as Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed, rubbing his hands over his jaw tiredly. _Well at least he wouldn't sit back and let life fast track him!_ The voice scolded, as Jake blinked across the rooftop, staring blankly into the darkness beyond. _What happened to 'I'd cross every inch of space?' What happened to 'I won't ever stop,' huh?_ The voice demanded, as Jake scowled and began to pace with agitation.

"Yeah, big promises from a dumbass nobody who had to go back on the run." He said bitterly, shaking his head as he stormed around the rooftop and gesticulated roughly with his hands. "How the hell am I supposed to go after him? No plane, no friends in high places, no _freedom_ … hell, it should've been me sacrificin' myself, not him." He said, narrowing his eyes as he came to a halt and glared up into the dark night sky. "Ya hear me, Vaanu ya dumbass alien, spirit… _whatever_ ?!" He demanded, raising his voice as the stars glittered back at him indifferently. "He could've had a life! Could've finally _lived_ ! What right did ya have to take that from him? To take it from _us_?!" He yelled, panting as his fury swept through him. "We made a future! We planned a life together! If anyone had to give it up, it should've been the one with nothin' to live for without 'em!" He snarled bitterly, glaring up at the stars hatefully.

 _Yes, there we go. The guilt._ The voice sighed, as Jake swallowed and curled his hands into fists at his sides. _That's what it comes back to… helplessness and guilt. Even if it was unavoidable, the thought of failure; of loss keeps on eating away at all the joy and happiness that was shared, until none of the love even remains anymore._ It persisted, as Jake shook his head irritably and dragged his hand through his hair.

"That ain't true!" He muttered vehemently, gritting his teeth as he stared at the stars above him, watching one glimmer at him tauntingly. "It _ain't true!_ " He spat, jabbing his finger accusingly at the star, as if _it_ were to blame for the emotional turmoil he found himself in. "I ain't ever loved _anyone_ like I love him; and I'd give _anythin_ ' to have been able to stop him…" he said, his breath hitching as he lowered his eyes shamefully.

 _But that was never an option…_ the voice hummed softly, as Jake clawed at his chest with his hand, gritting his teeth as warmth fondness and a bitter ache collided within. _Should he have sacrificed the world, just to stay on that tiny island forever? Always reminded of the price which his happiness came at?_ The voice queried, as Jake sighed and looked out into the dark sky longingly.

"No… he couldn't have coped with that." He said quietly, swallowing down the grief which he felt at the confession as a great surge of love attempted to choke him. "He was the best of us all… selfless to the end." He said, walking to the edge of the roof and leaning on the railing lightly, peering up at the bright star with a hollow smile. "Too good for a… a washed up old loser like me." He said thickly, inhaling slowly as he shook his head gently. "Ya deserved better than any of us, or this shithole world could ever give ya, Boy Scout." He murmured to the sky, toying with his dog tags gently as his lover had used to; the only other thing in his life which he'd held onto so tightly.

 _But he was happy... with you._ The voice reminded, as Jake rolled his eyes and snorted. _Smiling, even as he-_

Jake hissed, wincing at the flash of memory which struck him hard. The smiling face illuminated by the crystal behind him; as his friends fought off Rourke and held Jake back from interfering. "They _never_ should've got between us…" he muttered resentfully, turning to look at the empty section of roof where the crystal had once stood, his chest hollow and heavy as he stared at the last place he'd seen his lover longingly. "Maybe… maybe I could've gone with him… at least." He said, his voice trailing off as he closed his eyes and tried to push away the face which had haunted his every waking and sleeping moment for three years.

 _That's just dumb._ The voice snorted, as Jake grit his teeth and glared at the rooftop. _How the hell would that have even worked?_ It demanded, as irritation prickled in Jake’s chest. _Honestly, there’s dumb and then there’s… **that**. Of all the stupid, idiotic- _

“Shut up, shut up, _shut up!”_ Jake spat viciously, stalking across the rooftop and kicking at the flooring where the crystal had once stood. “Fine! I don’t know what could’ve happened! I don’t know how it would’ve worked but-” he paused, panting for breath as he kicked at the wall in frustration. “But at least I would’ve been able to do _somethin’_ besides fuckin’ _watch_ as the love of my goddamn life just… just-” he choked, leaning against the railing and hanging his head as his heart ached, his pulse spiking as grief carved a fresh wound in his chest.

 _There was nothing anyone could do. The choice was made._ The voice whispered, as if attempting to soothe the vicious ache. _What is there to do now but move on? There’s friends, just beyond those doors, waiting to help…_ As soon as the thought tickled at the back of Jake’s mind, he became aware of the banging. A constant shuffling and knocking, as Jake’s friends tried to get his attention.

“Well, what the hell _is_ he doing up here then?!” Diego’s voice rang out in a fierce demand, as Jake’s brows raised, surprised at the heated accusation in his tone. “You keep pushing! I told you to leave him be! God, _why_ are you two so intent on fighting?!”

“He’s being an asshole!” Sean argued back, as Jake snorted and rolled his eyes. “I’m not gonna baby the guy and let him wallow! He needs to face reality!”

“Would you kindly both desist your prattling?” Aleister drawled, his heavy sigh carrying through the stack of furniture Jake had piled in the doorway. “Regardless of either of your intentions, Jacob clearly has no intention of letting anyone help him _right now._ ” He said, as Jake averted his eyes from the door and frowned thoughtfully. “There’s no way we’re getting through this mess, so perhaps we should try the maintenance hatch; and if he’s blocked that… well, we’ll just have to wait him out. I fully expect he will be down shortly for more bourbon anyway.”

“Aleister’s right guys,” Quinn said dejectedly, as Jake looked around the rooftop quickly, searching for the aforementioned maintenance hatch so he could maintain his privacy. “I know you want to help, we _all_ want to help… but Jake’s not ready for our help. Whatever we feel… we need to remember that he feels it ten times, a _hundred_ times stronger.” She said, sighing as Jake paused amid his rooftop search, half turning towards the door guiltily before spotting the maintenance hatch in the far corner of the roof. “All we can do, is be there when he is ready to let us in.”

“Yeah, or let _him_ out.” Sean scoffed, as Jake grit his teeth and looked for something heavy to cover the hatch with. “The guy needs to stop acting like he’s the only one-”

“ _Sean Gayle_ ,” Michelle snapped, as Jake paused and half grinned at the faint sound of a slap. “I can only _hope_ you’ll ever love me so much as that man loves his husband…” she said, as Jake turned away, his grin falling from his face as if he’d been slapped himself. “Leave Jake alone. Let the man grieve in his own way; and be the friend you once promised you would be, when he is ready to let us help.” She scolded, before heels began to click against the flooring, followed by Sean’s weak protests as he followed after his girlfriend.

Jake was quiet as he hurried to shove a heavy plant pot on top of the maintenance hatch, going to the extra effort of filling it with earth from the plant beds; adding enough weight that he was sure he’d be able to maintain his privacy and solitude a while longer. _Sounds an awful lot like a bunch of people who want to help…_ The voice whispered lightly in the back of Jake’s mind, as he scoffed and shook his head, wandering back to the centre of the rooftop and gazing up at the stars hopelessly.

“Maybe…” he admitted, swallowing heavily and sucking in a deep breath slowly. “But they can’t help, not yet.” He said, gazing up at the brightest star as if it held the answers he sought. “Not ‘til I can figure out how to save him.” He said, his hands balling into fists at his sides as his eyes swept across the dark, twinkling sky.

 _Save him?_ The voice repeated, as Jake felt a bubble of frustration rise in his chest. _How the hell would that even work, dumbass?_ It scoffed, while Jake ran his hands over his face tiredly.

“I dunno... “ he sighed, shaking his head as he slowly ran his hands higher and into his hair, gazing longingly at the bright star above him. “But I know I’d do anythin’ it took to get him back… hell, for even just the _chance_ to have him back.” He said quietly, blinking slowly as he drew in a deep and weary breath.

 _Please…_ the voice scoffed snidely, as Jake frowned up at the twinkling light. _Like hell. More false promises?_ It snarked, as Jake grit his teeth and jabbed a finger at the star accusingly.

“I would!” He growled, ignoring the banging from the maintenance hatch behind him, as the others tried and failed to infiltrate his self imposed prison. “I’d do whatever it took! I’d… I’d fly my own damn rocket! I’d give up drinkin’! I’d… do all that, charity shit. Donatin’, helpin’ and shit…” he said, breaking off awkwardly as he tried to think of other ways he could prove his own determination. “I’d… I’d-”

 _Do exactly the kind of ‘dumb’ thing he would’ve?_ The voice whispered, as Jake paused and frowned, glancing over at the stereo dubiously. _Oh, so suddenly ‘anything’ has limitations? See, even though you’re all alone and there’s nobody to see, you still can’t let go and act like a fool. Commitment clearly doesn’t mean as much anymore, even for the_ **_chance_ ** _to-_

Jake scoffed loudly, wrinkling his nose as he turned and strode confidently towards the stereo. “I’d do anythin’, if it meant he’d… that he _might_ come back to me.” He muttered petulantly, ignoring his reservations that he was setting himself up for more heartache when whatever drunken idiocy he’d thought up was over. Jake took a deep breath as he re-wired the stereo, not sure when or why the others had set it up but deciding if he was going to make a fool of himself, he was going to at least make sure he did it to full effect. Moments later he was sliding a CD into the tray and pressing play, turning the volume up as high as he was able and tapping his foot idly as the beat began to pulse across the rooftop. Jake closed his eyes and bounced his foot gently to the beat, licking his lips as his throat dried with nervous agitation which he refused to acknowledge.

“ _You want commitment?”_ He murmured, swallowing thickly and lowering his eyes to the floor briefly, before looking up to catch his reflection in a small mirror sat atop the stereo. “ _Then take a look into these eyes… they burn with fire,_ ” he muttered, glancing away when all he could see in his own gaze was the familiar hollowness he felt every day. ” _Yeah... until the end of time.”_ He said, closing his eyes as he turned away from the stereo and tipped his head toward the sky. “ _And I would do anything; I'd beg, I'd steal, I'd die…”_ he whispered brokenly, hesitating when his throat constricted with grief. “ _To have you in theses arms tonight…_ ” he breathed, sucking in a shallow breath and exhaling a long and trembling breath.

 _Oh boy, the emotion is just so raw._ The voice in the back of his head scoffed, as Jake frowned and grit his teeth in frustration. _Guess this was a dumb idea after all, huh? Not really much point if it’s not heartfelt and authentic…_ it scoffed, as Jake huffed with irritation.

“ _Baby I want you!”_ He cried, his eyes peeling open to glare up at the bright star above him, like it was to blame for the taunting in his own head. _“Like the roses want the rain…”_ He sang roughly, ignoring the burst of embarrassment he felt as his cheeks burned.

 _Hmm… better._ The voice hummed thoughtfully, as Jake rolled his eyes and swayed loosely on the spot. _Keep going._ It ordered, as Jake snorted with exasperation.

“ _You know I need you!”_ He yelled, scowling up at the sky which had stolen his future from him. _“Like a poet needs the pain…”_ He said, his lower lip trembling as he recalled the pain he’d felt ever since his lover had taken a path which he could not follow. _“And I would give anything...”_ He choked, barely pushing the words from his throat as his heart ached with longing. _“My blood, my love, my life...”_ He sang lowly, swallowing back the tide of grief and loneliness which tried to overwhelm him. _“If you were in these arms tonight.”_ He murmured, his eyes closing briefly as he savoured the strange sense of freedom he felt building in his chest.

 _Well, it’s something… but is this really everything?_ The voice sighed, as Jake’s breath quickened, his heart beating faster as he felt a sense of _rightness_ spread through him; a warmth which encouraged him to let go and trust that things would work out. _Do a thing properly or not at all, because holding back now will only lead to more heartache later…_ the voice warned quietly, as Jake sucked in a deep breath and swept forward and spread his arms wide.

 _“I'd hold ya! I'd need ya! I'd get down on my knees for you!”_ Jake roared, his clear eyes filled with longing and pain as he gazed up at the stars.

 _And yet there’s no kneeling happening right now…_ the voice quipped, though Jake was too lost to his determination to pay full attention to the errant thoughts.

 _”And make everything alright!”_ He promised, shaking his head urgently and swallowing against the thick swell of grief which tried to block his throat. _“If you were in these arms…”_ he sang, lowering his head as he twirled quickly to the side, lifting his arm in the air as his hair swung around his jaw. “ _I'd love ya! I'd please ya! I'd tell ya that I'd... never leave ya!”_ He swore, bouncing his hips as he jigged his arms at his sides.

 _Well that much is obvious…_ the voice scoffed fondly, as Jake gazed up at the stars, the first hint of a smile curling his lips as he blinked slowly.

 _“And love you till the end of time…”_ Jake promised fiercely, watching the bright star blink above him, pulsing in time to the beat of the music which blared across the rooftop. _“If you were in these arms tonight...”_

 _Well, there’s certainly some promise here, but room for improvement still, no?_ The voice mused, as Jake nodded distractedly, watching the pulsing star like a moth drawing ever closer to the flame. _Hardly screaming ‘commitment’ yet, after all…_

Jake ran his hand through his hair, smoothing it from his face as he drew in a shaky breath. “ _Oh, yeah…”_ he muttered, clearing his throat as he shuffled across the rooftop awkwardly. “ _We stared at the sun... and we made a promise.”_ He said thickly, closing his eyes as a thousand images sprang to his mind; memories where a familiar face was smiling at him, far brighter than any sun. “ _A promise this world would never blind us.”_ He sang shakily, frowning at the flicker of thought which whispered that he’d done exactly that. “ _And these were our words!”_ He cried, recalling the promises he and his lover had exchanged. “ _Our words were our songs!”_ He sang, his voice rising as his hands clenched with determination. “ _Our songs are our prayers, these prayers keep me strong... and I still believe!”_ He cried, pausing to suck in an urgent breath as he felt his heart lift for the first time in three years.

 _Yes..._ the voice whispered encouragingly, warmth spreading through Jake’s chest as he blinked and gasped at the foreign sensations he felt overwhelming him. _Don’t stop! Keep going!_

 _“If you were in these arms..!”_ Jake roared, closing his eyes as he swung his arms around himself. _“I'd hold ya! I'd need ya! I'd get down on my knees... for you!”_ He cried, twirling around the rooftop without grace or elegance; and not caring in the least whether he looked a fool.

 _And yet **still** no actual kneeling… _ the voice huffed with apparent exasperation, though Jake barely noticed the interruption.

 _“And make everything alright!”_ He promised over the voice, staring up at the stars as the brightest seemed to grow even brighter, slowly expanding with every pulse to the music's beat. “ _If you were in these arms..!”_ Jake gasped, watching with fascination as the warmth spread further throughout his chest. “ _I'd love ya! I'd please ya! I'd tell you that I'd... never leave ya!”_ He sang lowly, weaving his hips in rough figure eights as he shook his shoulders to the beat.

 _Well that really goes without saying at this point, doesn’t it?_ The voice chuckled, as Jake snorted despite himself and blinked up at the brightly pulsing star above him.

 _“And love you till the end of time!”_ He promised thickly, shaking his head as he turned away from the bright star and gazed down at his boots briefly. _”If you were in these arms tonight..!”_ He called pleadingly, wrinkling his nose as he gazed around the rooftop longingly, his brow creasing with frustration. _“Your clothes are still scattered all over our room..!”_ He sneered, gritting his teeth as he turned and paced a half dozen paces across the roof.

 _Well, who’s fault is that exactly? Three years and you couldn’t pick them up?!_ The voice demanded haughtily, as Jake felt a mixture of irritation and fondness prickle beneath his skin.

 _“This whole place still smells like your cheap perfume…”_ He said, turning on his heel and pacing back the way he’d come, glancing up at the brightly pulsing star as agitation swept through him; barely noticing that it was pulsing within him similarly to the beat.

 _That is absolutely not true!_ The voice huffed, offense clear in its tone as Jake ran his hands through his hair and gazed emptily at the floor.

 _“Everything here reminds me of you!”_ He spat, turning his face to the star and choking back the grief which tried to smother him, his eyes widening as he threw his arms out to his sides.

 _Well duh... what do you expect, exactly?_ The voice scoffed, as Jake closed his eyes and gasped at the soft warmth he felt thrumming in his heart.

 _“There's nothing I wouldn't do..!”_ He yelled, his eyes snapping open as he swung his arms in a wide arc and twirled away, looking down at himself as he began to play an epic air guitar solo to himself.

 _That’s beginning to almost seem true… but there’s still a little further to go to prove it._ The voice murmured encouragingly, the warmth spreading through his chest as Jake’s fingers twirled through the air with a gracefulness which his feet severely lacked. _Just a little more… c’mon, let go;_ **_really_ ** _let go! Put everything into it now..!_ The voice urged, as Jake panted and looked up at the bright star, blinking in surprise and dropping his arms at the swirl of colours he saw floating within.

 _“And these were our words, they keep me strong…”_ he murmured, closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath. _“Baby...!”_ He yelled loudly, leaning forward as he threw as much of himself into the long note as he was able to.

 _Yes! Just like that! Keep it up!_ The voice encouraged, the warmth in Jake’s chest pulsing and growing hotter as his heart lifted with something he didn’t quite dare to label as hope.

 _“I'd hold ya! I'd need ya!”_ Jake promised, gasping at the overwhelming emotions which clamoured within him. _“I'd get down on my knees... for you!”_ He cried desperately, his knees colliding heavily with the rooftop as he did exactly as he’d promised and stared up at the bright star above him.

 _Oh, **yes**! I like this… more of **that**! _ The voice purred smugly, as Jake’s breath hitched, his heart racing in his chest as the warmth spreading through him reached all the way to his fingertips, causing him to shiver in anticipation.

“ _And make everything alright!”_ Jake gasped, blinking rapidly as his eyes stung; sensing the importance of the moment and determining not to miss a second of it. “ _If you were in these arms…”_ he breathed, leaning back on his knees as he spread his arms wider pleadingly. “ _I'd love ya! I'd please ya! I'd tell you that I'd never leave ya!”_ He swore vehemently, swallowing thickly as the colours within the pulsing star grew darker. 

_That was never in question really, was it?_ The voice murmured quietly, the whisper of a chuckle following the minor tease. _But clarification is always good…_ it added with obvious amusement, as Jake tried to catch his breath.

 _“And love you till the end of time..!”_ He called urgently, his voice thick and heavy with the weight of his emotions. “ _If you were in these arms tonight..!”_ He cried, his fingers twitching as the stars glittered around him brightly, illuminating the hazy darkness welling within the larger star.

 _Gonna have to be more convincing that that…_ the voice whispered, as Jake swallowed heavily and stared up at the light above him.

 _“If you were in these arms... tonight!”_ He called, unable to tear his eyes from the dark shape forming within the star, his gaze softening with a fierce hope which he couldn't repress.

 _You don't have to hold on anymore… let it_ **_out_ ** _…_ the voice urged, as Jake's throat ached and stung with the threat of an emotional outburst.

 _"If you were in these arms... tonight!"_ Jake sang roughly, forcing back the stinging sensation by smothering it with his rising determination.

 _You can_ **_do_ ** _this, Jake…_ the voice whispered encouragingly, warmth pulsing in Jake's chest as hope lifted his heart further. _Last push, c'mon! Just say the name now..._

 _"I-If you were in these arms... tonight!"_ Jake repeated, choking on his own breath as his arms trembled with nervous anticipation.

 _Jacob Lucas McKenzie!_ The voice called urgently, more than a light hint of frustration in its tone, the volume seeming to rise abruptly all around Jake as he stared up at the shadow hovering within the bright star, just beyond his reach. _Stop being so goddamn stubborn and_ **_say my name!_ ** It ordered sharply, the warmth prickling with irritation in Jake's chest.

 _"If you were in these arms-"_ Jake began to repeat, before slamming his eyes shut and panting briefly, before drawing in the deepest breath he was able to fit in his lungs. " _**Taaaaaylooooor!"** _He roared, gasping as he hung his head and gasped for breath upon concluding his desperate cry.

 _Alright, already…_ the voice snickered smugly, as Jake opened his eyes and slowly raised his head, choking back an awed gasp as he watched the shadow amid the brightness slowly light up above him. _Jeez, no need to shout_.

Jake huffed a weak, semi hysterical chuckle, blinking in disbelief as he watched the shadow within the light begin to shift and move. " _Like the roses need the rain…"_ he sang distractedly, his heart aching as he slowly pushed to his feet. " _Like the seasons need to change…"_ he continued, his throat throbbing with longing and hope as the shadow leapt through the bright star; which immediately began to recede back to a tiny glittering gem in the distance. " _Like the poets need the pain…"_ he breathed, extending his hand to the sky above him, as he stared up into a face he'd never thought he would be blessed with seeing again; his eyes crinkling with amusement at Jake's clear awe. " _... I_ _need you!"_ He whispered thickly, his eyes stinging with the rush of joy which abruptly swelled and overflowed within him, as a solid hand slid into his own.

As soon as their skin touched, the weightless figure above Jake; suddenly crashed into him, whatever spell which had previously kept him afloat ending abruptly. " _Oof_!" Jake wheezed as he was driven back, landing hard on his back and groaning when his head hit the floor.

"Urgh… okay, landings are apparently _not_ my forté." A familiar voice sighed, as Jake screwed his eyes shut and savoured the weight on his chest. "Man, I am _so_ glad I don't ever have to do that again." It continued, as Jake's hands shot out to grip at the arms which tried to shift the comforting weight away from him. "Uh… what are you doing?" The voice asked curiously, as Jake drew in a shuddering breath and squeezed his eyes tighter, determined not to release the tears which he felt trying to escape him. "Jake..? What is it? What's wron-"

"If I look…" Jake said thickly, his voice breaking as an intangible well of emotions rushed through his heart in all directions. "If I look up and I find all of this was just, some dumbass drunk hallucination or another guilt dream… I don't think I can take it. I _know_ I can't. I just, I can't lose ya _again…_ " he choked bitterly, his breath escaping him with a tortured hiss.

"Oh, _Jake…_ " the voice sighed, the arms in Jake's tight grip shifting until they finally managed to wrap themselves around his shoulders, forcing him to move and sit up on his knees. "Jake…" the voice whispered, as fingers gently swept his hair from his face, massaging his temples for a short pause, before moving back to Jake's face and cupping his cheeks. "Jake, _look_ at me." It whispered encouragingly, a quiet huff of amusement following when Jake shook his head vehemently, a rough hiccuped sob escaping him with the motion. "Stubborn ass…" the voice sighed fondly, as Jake swallowed and dragged his hands up to a pair of firm shoulders and squeezing tightly.

" _Please_ ," Jake gasped brokenly, shaking his head as gentle fingers swept over his cheeks in an attempt at comfort. "Please don't leave me again…" he pleaded, his breath faltering as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He heard an exasperated sigh and felt an all too familiar weight climb into his lap, a heartfelt sob tearing itself from his throat when soft lips brushed over his own; before drifting lazily across his cheek and grazed against his ear.

"You were holding on too tight, Jake… I'm sorry." The voice whispered, as Jake's hands kneaded at the shoulders in his grip. "I couldn't get through to you. I tried, Jake, I tried… I _told_ you a part of me would stay with you!" He explained in a rush, as Jake sucked in a trembling breath and hesitantly cracked open his eyes, gazing down at the hem of a red t-shirt just above his lap. "You're so goddamn stubborn… did you really have to hold onto me _so_ tightly? For three _years_?!" The amusement which bled into the exasperated tone drew Jake's attention, his eyes slowly lifting as he swallowed heavily, his heart pounding loudly in his ears.

His breath left him in a disbelieving rush, as he looked up to see the familiar smiling face which had haunted his existence for three years, his hand freeing itself from the redheads shoulder and rising to touch his cheek hesitantly; as if afraid the mirage might break beneath his touch. "... Taylor?" He breathed, his heart rising into his throat as hope and longing surged within him.

The redhead snorted and rolled his eyes, raising a brow as he leaned back and looped his arms around Jake's shoulders. "Who else would you expect to be sitting in your lap right now?" He asked, snickering while his eyes crinkled with the force of his amusement as he grinned widely. "Sean?" He snorted, laughing quietly and shaking his head at his own teasing. He sighed and leaned forward when Jake didn't respond, pouting as he knocked his forehead to Jake's. "This is supposed to be where you tell me 'of course not, I would never want anyone but _you_ in my lap, Taylor!’" He said sulkily, though his dark blue eyes glittered with a sense of mischief which belied his teasing.

Jake blinked slowly, holding his breath as his fingers ghosted over Taylor’s cheek, his eyes roving greedily over his face as his expression morphed from amused to concerned. He swallowed heavily as Taylor bit his lip, his fingers toying with the hair at the nape of Jake’s neck as he began to fidget nervously. “... goes without sayin’ at this point, don’t it?” Jake finally croaked, his eyes stinging as Taylor huffed a relieved laugh and swatted his shoulder, his own dark blue eyes welling with tears as he sniffed and smiled down at Jake.

“Don’t _scare_ me like that, asshole…” he muttered petulantly, as Jake huffed a small chuckle, inhaling deeply as he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Taylor’s. “You know, we should probably head down… everyone is probably terrified you’re gonna throw yourself off the roof, if they don’t think you already have.” He said quietly, after a short pause, his weight shifting as he made to stand.

“No!” Jake yelped, wrapping his arms around Taylor’s shoulders tightly and holding him in place, burying his nose in the side of his throat and inhaling deeply, hiding his wet eyes as Taylor huffed and poked at his shoulder.

“Did you not learn anything from all this?” He grumbled, though Jake noted that he didn’t try to remove himself from Jake’s lap again. “Holding me hostage in your heart was stopping either of us from-” he complained, as Jake sucked in a shaky breath and cupped Taylor’s cheeks in his palms; drawing back from his throat to meet his startled gaze intently.

“I know, alright, I know… I was an ass, but Taylor; I just don’t work without ya anymore.” He said thickly, his breath catching as his heart throbbed, still unable to believe his every hope and dream currently sat warm and very _real_ in his lap. “I _get_ it, okay? And I’ll share ya with ‘em all…” he hastened to add, dragging his thumb over Taylor’s cheek as he tipped his face into Jake’s palm. “Just… just let _me_ have ya tonight.” He pleaded roughly, his fingers twitching as he hesitantly leaned closer. 

“You realise you’re going to have me forever, now?” Taylor snickered lowly, breaking into a fond smile as Jake’s lips met his own fleetingly in a soft kiss. “But... I guess just a little longer won’t make much difference at this point…” he conceded distractedly, nuzzling closer to Jake and sighing contently.

“It makes _all_ the difference.” Jake corrected, choking on the joy which tried to smother him. “I love you, Taylor…” he sniffed thickly, burying his face in his Taylor’s throat and pulling him close, his shoulders shaking with the force of his joyful sobs. “Happy Birthday, Boy Scout.” He mumbled, as Taylor laughed and held his husband in return, the pair content to remain as they were until the sun rose. 

Content. 

Whole. 

_Together._

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ♡ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR ♡
> 
> (small ps; could you please let me know if you still enjoy my work? I have noticed over the year that comments, kudos and hits have dropped - and I'm not complaining or being a whinge bucket or anything - but I'm just curious. I mean, I want to please... so are my works not as interesting anymore? Am I just getting boring and repetitive? Please, I'm really just... I wanna know so I can get better as a writer. I would rather people tell me if they don't enjoy my work anymore... Sorry for sounding so maudlin, I just needed to ask. I LOVE YOU ALL - JUST MAKING SURE HERE)


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